I’m grateful for my daughter because she is God’s promise to me fulfilled. Ever since I can remember, I dreamed of being a mom. I never thought that I wouldn’t have children, until I wanted one, and I quickly found out that wanting and actually having were two different things.

Wanting a child and not being able to have one has been the most difficult struggle of my life thus far. It was a process that the Lord took me through to test my faith and trust in Him. I prayed and prayed, but I hate to say that after a while, I stopped praying for a baby. I started to feel like my prayers were too much like a whiny child…asking her Father again, and again, and not understanding the ‘why’ or the ‘when’. God knew what I wanted. He didn’t need me to remind Him. I believed He promised me a child, but I wasn’t sure of how. I adapted Hebrews 11:11 as my promise, “By faith, I have received strength to conceive seed, although the doctors have said my womb is old, because I judge God to be faithful to His promise.

In the process of it all, I conceived twice, and lost two babies. Some call it miscarriage, but I never related to that term. Life was conceived inside of me, and then died. I lost my babies. I named them, wrote about them, dreamed of them, and wondered why I would never get to hold them. My heart ached to the point of physical pain.

Then our miracle…

It was our last fertility treatment. We had already begun the adoption process. Looking back, I see that we approached the treatment somewhat half-hearted. I don’t think either of us thought that it would actually work. I wish I could say that I thought I was already seeing my little miracle, the morning I saw those beautiful 2 pink lines. Don’t get me wrong, I was hopeful, but I was also guarded. We had gone down this road twice before, I needed to get down the road a little further before I could get too excited. The weeks passed by, and with each new ultrasound my heart grew more hopeful that this truly was our miracle.

My hope and excitement grew with my belly. Slowly but surely, I knew this was our miracle in the making. I was in love, with pregnancy, with this life growing inside of me, and with the coming reality of becoming a mom.

As the doctor pulled her out of my womb, all I could say is “our miracle is here, our miracle is here.” Looking into her face for the first time, was as if I were looking into the face of God. All my doubts and fears that seemed to haunt me, I had faced them, and in that moment I was looking at the pure love and grace of God.

I am grateful that God has entrusted such precious life into my care. I’m grateful to Savannah for making me a mom. I’m grateful for Savannah because she is my promise fulfilled, my constant reminder of God’s grace and faithfulness.

November Group Writing Project, if you would like to participate check out Mamablogga