I love it when God sends reminders of His promises. One of the disadvantages of having your kids so close, is that you can’t just use the crib you had for the first.  I picked out a crib for this baby, which by the way is a little more masculine then Savannah’s.  I found one that I liked at a specialty store, but of course it was so expensive. Then I found one at Babies R Us, that looked almost the same as the expensive one.  It’s the Jardine Claremont black crib-I liked that it will be a bed that will truly grow with him.  The pricetag was still more than I wanted to spend, so I had determined that if we couldn’t get it, then I would buy a used crib and paint it black. Today, as I was creeping through my muck and looking for the silver lining, I decided to check out craiglist.  A woman had just listed the exact crib that I was wanting, for $150 less than it sells for right now.  On top of all that, it is brand new and still in the box.  I instantly contacted the lady and found out that she had a recalled crib (that she no longer needed) and was given a voucher for a crib at Babies R’Us.  She went to the store and picked this crib out, and figured she would make a little money and help someone get a crib for a bit cheaper.  She purchased the crib, but the store didn’t have any in stock, so she hasn’t even picked it up at the store yet.  I am getting the crib that I want for almost 1/2 the cost, and I don’t have to worry about the challenges of getting a used crib.

All this to say, it’s not about the crib, but the Lord was telling me how He truly is taking care of things.  No it didn’t solve all my problems, but it was a reminder that all the solutions to my problems can be found in Him.

I had one of those mornings that just didn’t start out right.  It started out overly emotional at 4am.  I couldn’t sleep.  My mind was racing with worries and anxieties, some of which were warranted and others were not.  I finally succummbed to my wakefulness and got out of bed.  After perusing the computer for a bit, I knew I was up for prayer.  Life has felt a bit stressful lately.  There is not ‘one’ thing to blame it on, but it is definitely a culmination of things.  My husband would say that this year has been the hardest so far.  If I had to be honest, the “life is hard” stage probably started in 2006. It was that year that we began earnestly trying to have a baby and in the process lost two.  All the while, I was working a job that was incredibly taxing emotionally (I worked at the fertility clinic that I was being treated at), and it consumed my life. It was also that year that my husband had left his steady paycheck job to embark on starting a business, leaving me the primary breadwinner for a while.  We were also planning our move to Nashville, which involved uprooting our lives in Orlando.  Then came 2007, it was definitely a blessed year, but it didn’t come without its hardships. We moved, I became a homemaker (thus shifting all the financial stress to my husband), built a house, had a complicated pregnancy with a premature delivery, and became a mom.  Again, I must stress that this was one of the most blessed years of my life, but it didn’t come easy.  I was hopeful that the year 2008 would be settling and peaceful.

It is September already, and I feel as if I’m still fighting for that peace. I’m realizing that part of my problem is that I’ve allowed my circumstances to determine my level of peace.  I listened to a friend the other night say how easy it is to have faith when things are easy and are looking good.  Then life hit hard, and now his faith and trust are being tested.  This was such a reminder to me that God is more concerned with my character than He is with my circumstances.  It is through circumstances that He is shaping my character.

I tend to feel the pain and stress of those around me.  My heart breaks with them and I just want to make it all better. However, it’s not in my power to do so.  Because I feel powerless to help, I tend to not push in and suppress any emotions that I may be having. I recognize that this isn’t healthy or helpful.  I’m learning.  I know that the circumstances described above are not unique nor are they dramatic, but they are the circumstances of my life.

One of my favorite life verses is Romans 5:3-5

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Through it all I’m learning how dearly God loves me!

I’ve talked to every mom I know to get their opinions.  They all like different things.  Through talking to moms I found that you need different strollers for different things.  There are tandem strollers (kids are seated one in front and one in back).  Tandem strollers are ideal for getting around in places with narrow aisles (most stores/malls).  I found that it’s typically a tandem stroller that has the capability to latch a carseat into. Then there are side-by-side strollers, which allow both children to sit next to each other, giving them each a good view of what’s going on.  Side-by-side strollers are ideal for travel, the zoo, the park etc.  There are a few side by side strollers that have the option of snapping in the carseat.  However, I found that most of them are brand specific–peg perego has a great twin aria but only uses peg perego carseats, same thing goes for combi. There are a couple of high end strollers that will accomodate different brands of carseats.  However, be prepared to pay a pretty penny.  After looking at all the reviews and talking to moms, I’ve decided that ‘used’ is best for me.

This past week I’ve struck two good deals.  I bought a Graco duo glider stroller at a garage sale for $15.  It’s a tandem stroller that will accomodate the Graco carseat that I already have.  Then on Craigslist I found a Maclaren Techno Twin for a third of the price!  It’s a lightweight, side by side stroller that will be good for the long haul.

When considering double strollers, be sure to consider weight (some of them are almost 50 pounds), maneuverability, and of course price.  Each stroller has it’s pros and cons, so I realized that it would be best for me to have options at an affordable price.  That is why I opted to go for a couple of used strollers instead of saving up for one brand new stroller. Although I would still love to have a Phil and Ted’s.  It’s a tandem stroller that gets rave reviews, but it’s a bit pricey.  You never know though, maybe I’ll find a good deal somewhere! When we were in D.C., Kyle made fun of me for looking at everybody’s strollers.  I simply replied, “You look at cars, and I look at strollers”.  He didn’t make fun of me anymore after that.

P.S.  In order to vote, you do have to register at Divine Caroline, but it’s not a big deal.  The site itself is pretty cool, so it’s worth it.

This week Kyle’s been out of town and both of our playdates cancelled, so by lunchtime today I was ready for some real conversation.  My mom and dad agreed to meet us for lunch at Logan’s.  If you haven’t tried it already, you have to try the Kickin’ Chicken Logan’s salad–it is delicious! After a few minutes, Savannah decided that she didn’t want to sit at the table anymore.  Then the crying began.  This is the moment that you feel completely responsible for controlling your child, but you know that it may not be pretty.  I’m up for the challenge, so I take her to the bathroom.  When we get back to the table, she immediately looks to Mimi to save her.  As my mom is holding her, one of the waitresses comes up to the table, puts her arms forward as if she is going to pick up my daughter and says to Savannah, “Do you want to walk around?” Savannah is still crying and fussing, she then goes to offer her ice cream.  I’m in a bit of shock, but somehow managed to say, “No thank you she is fine.”

What?  You have got to be kidding me.  First of all, who goes to pick up a child that you don’t even know and offer to walk her around?  Secondly, who offers a child ice cream without asking the mom first? Why did she think it was her job to console my child.  At the time Savannah needed discipline, not consoling.  It was the first time that I felt the “village” trying to help me raise my child–and I did not like it at all.  I know this was just one individual exerting herself, but this lady was pushing my limit.  After another trip to the bathroom, Savannah found her patience to sit at the table and enjoy the rest of the meal. Maybe I should get a hat to wear next time, that says, ” I know my child is having an issue right now, but I’m dealing with it, and I would appreciate it if you would just leave us alone and not give her MORE attention. Thanks!”

Anyway, just about the time I fell asleep, she woke up.  By now it’s 5am, and I’m pretty sure the whole house is awake.  Kyle took over for a bit, and I was able to get a little more sleep.  But what mom can sleep through her crying baby in the next room?  A number of other events ensued over the course of the morning that made me wish we could start the whole day over somehow.  Kyle and I,both in a stupor, just looked at each other and commented, “it is what it is”.

I must say this has been one of the hardest days of motherhood thus far.  Nothing seemed to help.  One position would work, and then a moment later it wouldn’t.  This was the case with every toy, cup, piece of food that was given to her.  She wouldn’t eat and she would barely drink her milk.  Most of the day, was spent with her cuddled on my chest. It was one of the hardest days because it was the most heartbreaking.  She would be so frustrated and upset, and then look at me with tears in her eyes asking for help.  Her entire life I have been able to figure out what she needed and meet that need.  I know that I was able to offer some comfort and ease some of the pain, but I couldn’t make it go away.  It was the first time that I really felt her having to grow up.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve closely watched her grow physically and developmentally, but today was an emotional milestone.  Today she began to learn that the world will not always be fair or safe, or even comforting.

I hope and pray that as she discovers the reality of our world, she also discovers the greatest truth of all, that the Lord will always be there for her.  Even when mommy or daddy can’t “fix” it, that God is her source, her strength, and her comforter.  Today, as a mom, I’m learning to lean into this same truth even more.  Her pain is my pain, and today I’m thankful that I have the Lord to be our comfort.