Archive for the 'Infertility' Category

I am healed, and oh, by the way…

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Mommy Nurse
2 months, 3 weeks ago
in Infertility
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We are pregnant!  Yep, that’s right!  We are pregnant.  If your recall, this past February, I felt the Lord prompt me to not just look at Savannah as a miracle, but to also believe for my own miracle of healing.  The next month we got pregnant, but  we lost the baby.  I took that as a sign of healing, just not the right timing.  I kept waiting for my body to get back into the swing of things hormonally, but found myself battling migraines one right after another.  I’ve always had migraines, but I tend to get them worse and more frequent when pregnant.  I decided to take a pregnancy test, and sure enough it was positive!  You would be proud though, because this time I only took one test (last time I took 5)! I had no idea how far along I was, so I called my doctor and we had an ultrasound.  We found out that we were 5 weeks  6 days pregnant, and we got to see the heartbeat.  It was still early, but I really had faith that this pregnancy would make it.  The past few weeks have been full of ups and downs.  There are moments that I’m planning on another baby and dreaming up names and nurseries, then there are other moments that I wonder if it will really happen.  Today, I’m dreaming of names though!

We went today and had our first official OB appointment!  The baby looks great, with a heartbeat of 170 bpm, and measuring 9 weeks. This puts us with a due date January 16th!  It was such a relief to see that little body–at only an inch long,  Peanut already has a head, a body, a heartbeat, and little arm and leg buds.  It was even moving around. It makes it so much more real to see it!

Please believe with us for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Given my last pregnancy’s complications of placenta previa, the chances of another previa are higher.  We would really like to avoid that if at all possible.  So be praying that the placenta is high in the uterus.  We won’t know for a couple more months though.

Well that’s what has been going on in the Chowning household!  Savannah isn’t real happy about the news right now, because it means that she has to start eating on her own.  She has become quite attached to mommy, but she is slowly learning to enjoy food.  My goal is to have her weaned completely by her first birthday (which is a little over a month away!)  My how time flies!

giving God the glory

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Mommy Nurse
3 months, 3 weeks ago
in Friends and Infertility
. 1 Comment

It was just this morning that the Lord reminded me of something.  Last February, several of my dear friends decided to give me a birthday tea, partly to make up for the baby shower that I never had.  It was a beautiful afternoon full of great food & wonderful words of affirmation, which made for a memorable birthday.  It was then that I asked them to pray and believe with me for healing.  Just that week, the Lord had shown me that although I gave Him the glory for the miracle of Savannah, I wasn’t believing for healing in my body.  I was having a hard time believing that I would conceive again, and I especially didn’t think that it would happen naturally.  As I shared this with my friends, behind the tears, I was really confessing that I had limited God, and I didn’t want to limit Him anymore.  Together we prayed for complete healing, claiming that I would bear more children.  It was the next month that we got pregnant on our own, and although that pregnancy didn’t make it, God was reminding me that He is faithful to His promises.

A good friend of mine, Jessica, who has also shared the journey of infertility, ended her  journey last night.  Caroline Hope is finally here! What an incredible testimony of God’s faithfulness!  I rejoice with my friends as they get to experience a promise fulfilled!

I have several friends/acquaintances that are believing for a baby, and I contend with them for the little lives that are going to be.  If you are on this journey of infertility, I pray that you read this post and are reminded of the hope that we can find in our Lord and Savior.  Do not give up!  Your child is coming!

Thank You Lord for the miracle of life! Thank you for bringing baby Hope into this world safely and we give you the glory for her life!  I ask that you give life to those who are believing for their little miracle.  I believe that I am healed, and I give you the glory for healing and the miracles that come with it.

Contending for life

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Mommy Nurse
5 months, 1 week ago
in Infertility and Uncategorized
. 12 Comments

When my OB/GYN brought up the question of starting birth control after Savannah was born, I almost laughed. Seriously, when you’ve tried to get pregnant for 5 years, and have only been successful with treatments, the idea of stopping pregnancy seemed extreme. Considering the odds, pregnancy happening spontaneously just didn’t seem probable. After talking it over with my husband, we agreed that we would love to have another baby, no matter how close it would be to Savannah.

Last week I had four migraines! I was getting enough sleep, I wasn’t stressed, I just couldn’t figure out why I was having so many migraines. The last time I had that many migraines was…….when I was pregnant with Savannah! What? Could it be? I calculated my LMP, I was 2 days late. Hmmmm! I then pulled out a pregnancy test, and immediately both lines appeared! Did I see it correctly? Maybe it was the test, although they are pretty accurate. Unfortunately, within moments I started spotting. Joy and disappointment all in the same moment. What a roller coaster life can be sometimes! I felt as if someone had pulled the emergency stop button on my roller coaster, leaving me hanging in mid-air. I told Kyle that night, and then proceeded to take 3 more pregnancy tests, ALL positive. I knew I needed to be guarded. We have been down this path before, and 2 of the 3 times ended in losing a baby. I couldn’t help it though. I was pregnant. I was giddy! We have never gotten pregnant on our own. I have been praying that my body would be healed. Savannah is a miracle, but I know that there are more miracles to come. Still feeling perplexed, the next day I went to the store and bought the expensive pregnancy test. What did it say? “Pregnant”. In all, I took 5 pregnancy tests! Looking back it seems excessive, but I was in such a state of shock that I needed the proof! I was still bleeding though, so my giddy phase lasted only a short while.

I called the doctor and went in for bloodwork the next day. They called and my hcg (pregnancy hormone) level was 892! Wow! That’s a really good number. Maybe there was a chance. Some women bleed during pregnancy and go on to have a healthy baby. Maybe that was going to be my story. I started progesterone supplementation immediately. Why? Because I’ve always suspected this to be part of my problem, and with every treatment I have ever done, I took progesterone. On Friday, they called with my progesterone level, it was 2.9. It should be between 8 and 10. Sigh! This doesn’t look good, but there is still hope. I kept praying for the bleeding to stop, but every morning it just got worse and worse. I knew what this meant. I prayed, cried, and asked God to save this baby, but afterwards all I felt was peace to let this baby go. If I believe that everything I have is God’s, then that includes my body. If He in His infinite wisdom, wants to use my body to bring life into eternity without ever having to live life on this fallen earth, then so be it.

Today the bloodwork confirmed what I already knew. This pregnancy didn’t make it. It’s been a bit sad, but ultimately I’m excited. I got pregnant! There is hope that it will happen again. With my previous miscarriages, my identity of becoming a mom was wrapped up in the emotions of it all. Savannah made me a mom, and nothing will take that away. However, now I know what I am contending for-not just another baby, but for life, for joy, for a sibling for my daughter.

Miracle in waiting….November group writing project

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Mommy Nurse
10 months ago
in Infertility, Savannah and Writing Project
. 12 Comments

I’m grateful for my daughter because she is God’s promise to me fulfilled. Ever since I can remember, I dreamed of being a mom. I never thought that I wouldn’t have children, until I wanted one, and I quickly found out that wanting and actually having were two different things.

Wanting a child and not being able to have one has been the most difficult struggle of my life thus far. It was a process that the Lord took me through to test my faith and trust in Him. I prayed and prayed, but I hate to say that after a while, I stopped praying for a baby. I started to feel like my prayers were too much like a whiny child…asking her Father again, and again, and not understanding the ‘why’ or the ‘when’. God knew what I wanted. He didn’t need me to remind Him. I believed He promised me a child, but I wasn’t sure of how. I adapted Hebrews 11:11 as my promise, “By faith, I have received strength to conceive seed, although the doctors have said my womb is old, because I judge God to be faithful to His promise.

In the process of it all, I conceived twice, and lost two babies. Some call it miscarriage, but I never related to that term. Life was conceived inside of me, and then died. I lost my babies. I named them, wrote about them, dreamed of them, and wondered why I would never get to hold them. My heart ached to the point of physical pain.

Then our miracle…

It was our last fertility treatment. We had already begun the adoption process. Looking back, I see that we approached the treatment somewhat half-hearted. I don’t think either of us thought that it would actually work. I wish I could say that I thought I was already seeing my little miracle, the morning I saw those beautiful 2 pink lines. Don’t get me wrong, I was hopeful, but I was also guarded. We had gone down this road twice before, I needed to get down the road a little further before I could get too excited. The weeks passed by, and with each new ultrasound my heart grew more hopeful that this truly was our miracle.

My hope and excitement grew with my belly. Slowly but surely, I knew this was our miracle in the making. I was in love, with pregnancy, with this life growing inside of me, and with the coming reality of becoming a mom.

As the doctor pulled her out of my womb, all I could say is “our miracle is here, our miracle is here.” Looking into her face for the first time, was as if I were looking into the face of God. All my doubts and fears that seemed to haunt me, I had faced them, and in that moment I was looking at the pure love and grace of God.

I am grateful that God has entrusted such precious life into my care. I’m grateful to Savannah for making me a mom. I’m grateful for Savannah because she is my promise fulfilled, my constant reminder of God’s grace and faithfulness.

November Group Writing Project, if you would like to participate check out Mamablogga

It’s not over ’til it’s over!

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Mommy Nurse
2 years, 8 months ago
in Infertility
. 2 Comments

Last night we had our Nashville pastor and his family over for dinner. They prayed over us and the overwhelming sense in the room is “this isn’t over until it’s over”. God still has every capability to perform a miracle. Although I have accepted the possibility that God may choose a different path, I am believing and asking God to perform a miracle for ‘this’ baby. I’m not going to give up on my child-no matter what the doctor says.

So today I feel hopeful. I’m still pregnant. If it weren’t for the ultrasound and blood test I would be happily pregnant not knowing anything is possibly wrong. But I do know, and that is no reason to ignore the report, but it is reason to stand in faith and believe for a miracle. My life is a living testimony of God’s faithfulness and I know that this entire process is a way that I can give Him all the glory. I’m thankful for the trial, knowing that the promise is still true, and the blessing is still coming.

A day of tears

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Mommy Nurse
2 years, 8 months ago
in Infertility
. 2 Comments

Today we had our first ultrasound, and unfortunately received news that every new parent fears. The doctor says that it doesn’t look like the pregnancy is viable. By this stage, the baby should be developed more and it’s not. The sac should be bigger than it is. When asked what the chances were, he basically said that from his experience there was little chance that this baby would make it.

We cried, prayed, asked why, and are still left wanting. I’m torn by the natural side of me that knows that this baby won’t make it, and the spiritual side of me that says God always has room for a miracle.

As I prayed, I was reminded of Hannah-she prayed that God would open her womb, and He did. When she had her son Samuel, she gave him to the high priest to raise. I’ve come to peace that if this is God’s will, I will release my baby to live with the Highest Priest. I really can’t think of better hands to give him to. As much as it hurts, I know that all the promises God has given me are still true. Our baby is still coming, it just might not be this one.

It’s so overwhelming!

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Mommy Nurse
2 years, 9 months ago
in Infertility
. 2 Comments

It has been a wonderful past few days. I know that some people don’t like telling people that they are pregnant until sometime has passed, but I think that sharing in the good news makes it so much more exciting. Everyone’s calls, e-mails, and prayers have just been so sweet.

I had my repeat HCG test done on Thursday, and was told that the numbers were good but not great. So we would need to recheck them in two days. Immediately, I felt that this was an attack of the enemy. God hasn’t just given us a pregnancy-He is giving us a child-this child. So I prayed that this child would be called into his/her destiny, and that included life here on earth.I told my parents and they prayed and believed. My dad said he felt such peace and confidence and encouraged me to not worry. The next day my mom was praying and asked God to give her a word of encouragement. That same day she received a Congratulatory card from a friend that included the scripture 1 Samuel 1:27 “For this child I prayed and the Lord granted me my petition which I asked of Him”.

I went into the clinic today confident that everything was fine-and of course my numbers had gone up. So the next official medical step is an OB ultrasound in a few weeks to find out ‘how many’! All I want is a healthy baby-but I’ll gladly accept a double portion, but triple? We may have some hesitancies-but that is why God gives women 9 months to at least adjust to the idea of being a mom. I don’t think there really is anything that prepares you for the responsibilities, sacrifices, and rewards of motherhood. But it’s nice to have lots of resources and friends to try to get ready.

So what started out being Kristy’s blog through infertility is now a blog through pregnancy. A new chapter begins…

And…..Breathe!

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Mommy Nurse
2 years, 9 months ago
in Infertility
. 3 Comments

For the past few days I have been holding my breath, and today was the biggest sigh of relief. Our prayers have been answered and promises fulfilled-WE ARE PREGNANT! It’s been a long three year journey, but it is totally worth every moment. Now a new journey begins, no longer a temporary one, but this one is for life. I feel so blessed and honored that God has heard my prayers. What I feel is Pure Joy! Thank you to everyone who has walked this out with us. Your prayers, tears, encouragement, and love have truly been life to me.

Day 16 IUI

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Mommy Nurse
2 years, 9 months ago
in Infertility
. 3 Comments

Today is a good day! We went in for the intrauterine insemination, and at first the nurse couldn’t get through the cervix. Then the doctor tried and he was having trouble. As the doctor is shaking his head not knowing what to do, I tell Kyle “the Red Sea parted”, and my doctor asks what I said. I tell him “I was hoping that if God could part the Red Sea then He could part my cervix!” Just as I said that, he got the catheter through.

Another recent confirmation of the promise God has given-Last week I was feeling kind of frustrated so I decided to listen to the Bible on the Ipod. Without thinking, I randomly chose 1 Samuel. As I listened to Hannah’s story of God opening her womb, I was reminded that just as God gave Hannah her son Samuel, God was going to give me my child. It was a great moment of remembering the promise. I know without a doubt that God is going to give me children. Some women in my situation question whether or not they are supposed to be a mother. I know I’m supposed to be a mother, it’s just a matter of timing.

My mom told me today that my Aunt Carole woke up last night and felt like our pregnancy was going to be the family’s Christmas gift. She didn’t even know we were doing the insemination today.

God is so faithful to remind us of His promise through the process. I’m extremely excited and hopeful that we are pregnant. Honestly, there is a part of me that is scared to even say that, but I really want to take a step of faith and truly believe that God is going to fulfill His promise.

day 10-15

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Mommy Nurse
2 years, 9 months ago
in Infertility
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This whole process is such a waiting game.
Day 10 Ultrasound to see if I am responding to the Clomid. Unfortunately, the follicles aren’t as big as we would like. So we wait and repeat the ultrasound in two days.

Day 11 Charysse had her surgery-It was so hard not being there. As a nurse, I always feel inclined to be the nurse when a family member is sick, especially hospitalized. Although I think my husband would disagree. When he is sick, he thinks that I minimize his symptoms. It’s not that I don’t care, when you see sick people all day, it’s sometimes hard to feel overly compassionate, but I’m trying.

Day 12 Repeat ultrasound
Unfortunately, the follicles are still not as big as we would like. So we wait until Monday for another ultrasound. Basically we want the most ideal environment, and hopefully we will get it. So I start checking for my LH surge everyday to see if I’m ovulating, and again wait. Oh and he put me on estrogen to help encourage my endometrium. I’ve always been concerned that that might be a contributing factor. Even though I have yet to find any literature supporting this, it just doesn’t seem normal to have periods that only last 24-48 hours. Although it is nice, I don’t think it is helping my cause.

Day 13
Garage sale today
Some of the Relevant gang came to scout out the neighborhood. Kyle and I put out our stuff at 7:30 and by 11:30 we were loading it up to Goodwill. At some point you realize that it just isn’t worth your time to sit out there and hope that maybe somebody would give you a few dollars for your already unwanted items. So ironically its a combination of generosity and selfishness that sets in. Selfish side says I have better things to do, generous side says Goodwill can use this stuff.

Day 14 church day
Our Sunday’s are always full-but it’s a full that is good. I get to spend the whole day with my husband, and we get to hang out with friends. The saddest part though is that I had to say goodbye to our sweet friends the Jacksons. Elizabeth has been such a good friend to me, and I’m going to miss our long talks. And I’m really going to miss that Owen guy-that smile and laugh just makes you melt. He is going to grow up so fast, and I hate that I won’t be around to see it.
On another note-we have asked our cell groups to partner with us in prayer these next few weeks and believe that this baby is going to be conceived this time. The support of my friends and family is sometimes overwhelming. I sometimes don’t know how to respond to the generous support and encouragement, but it’s always helpful.

Day 15 LH surge
Woke up this morning to find those two lines exactly the same meaning I will ovulate within the next 24-36 hours. So I called my doctor and told him “it’s time”. Now I get to skip the ultrasound today, and go tomorrow for the artificial insemination. I’m really hoping that there will be no problems, that my cervix would be open and it would be painfree. I gave myself the HCG shot this morning, which tells my body to go ahead and release the egg. It’s really weird giving yourself a shot. It makes me a little more compassionate for my diabetic patients.