Today we heard the words we have been waiting for, Savannah can come home tomorrow! As long as she does good today, then we get to go the hospital and spend the night with her. The doctor will see her in the morning, and then we get to bring our baby home–finally! We are so ready to just be with her, without limitations, without supervision, without wires and tubes-just home….together, as a family. It will be so sweet! We have literally been waiting for this day for years! Often wondering if it would even happen. She has been in the hospital for 2 weeks now, and in some ways it has flown by and in others it has seemed like the longest 2 weeks of my life. I wish I could say that it has been easy, but it hasn’t. I can say that God’s grace has been evident. I am certain that my flesh alone would have handled this much differently. The majority of the time I was able to hold onto the faith that my little girl was going to be fine, and it was just a matter of time. There were a few moments that I worried about her, but most of the time I knew she was safe and healthy.
There is always a bonding experience that occurs when you walk through similar difficulties. Walking through infertility has bonded me to those who have walked or are walking the same path. Our time in the NICU is no different. Being a parent of a preemie brings about new challenges and emotions that were unexpected and often unwelcomed. As we sat in the NICU day after day, you can’t help but notice your baby’s neighbors. How much does that baby weigh? When was it born? How is it doing? Then you start talking to the parents, and find that each baby already has quite a story and each parent is being challenged by this unwelcomed circumstance. It has been helpful to know that we aren’t alone, that it is not just our baby that is being held up from going home. I see the 10 pound babies leaving the hospital with mom and my heart sinks a bit out of my own pain , but then you see the 1 pound baby that is allowed virtually no stimulation at all and your heart sinks even more, but this time for the baby’s mother. It’s easy to say that there is always someone doing better than you and there is always someone doing worse, but oftentimes I tend to not appreciate that truth. Was it my preference that I spent the last 2 weeks “visiting” my baby in the hospital? No. But the truth is that it is only 2 weeks, some babies have already been there a month and aren’t getting to go home anytime in the near future. We were blessed! Savannah had very common premature problems. There was never a time that we had to wonder was she going to make it or a time that she had major complications. She was just born a little early, and needed more time to grow and develop.
So now a new chapter will truly begin. I know that it officially began when she was born, but to be honest, it has felt a bit like leading a double life-life with her at the hospital and life without her outside of it. She is already in our hearts, and now we get to bring her to our life, our home, and our schedule (she will probably have a big say in this one). Kyle and I fall in love with her more and more each day, and we can’t wait for our friends and family to get to meet her and love on her as well.
Well the doctor changed her mind this morning. Last night Savannah had lost 1/2 an ounce, and they don’t want to let her go home until she consistently gains weight. The irony of it all is that they had given her lasix, a medicine to pull extra fluid off, after her transfusions. When they gave it to her they warned us that she would probably lose weight. Of course the doctor can’t say for sure that she will get to go home on Tuesday, but that is what we are hoping for.
Through all of this I rationalize things and usually find some sort of logic or silver lining, but today I’m having a really hard time finding the silver lining. Yesterday we came home from the hospital and cleaned, shopped, organized, and prepared for our little girl’s homecoming. I’m ready, and I think she is ready too. Once again the Lord is asking me to surrender my desire and will to His, one that doesn’t quite make sense to me and to be honest I just don’t like. I know she will be home soon enough, and I know that it could be worse, but what I also know that I’m really tired of waiting! Please pray that she will gain weight today, and that the doctor feels like she is ready to come home on Tuesday!
Well yesterday we received news that our little girl needed a blood transfusion. They rechecked her blood level (PCV) and it was much lower than it should be. The good news is that her anemia may be the cause of her disinterest and fatigue with eating. So she had a four hour transfusion both yesterday and today-and my, what a difference it has made. She is now taking all of her bottles without any difficulty at all. When we went to see her this morning, she looked great-her coloring is much better now. I don’t think we realized just how pale she was. Better yet, we heard the wonderful words from the doctor, she can go home. So as long as she does good tonight and tomorrow, then we get to bring our sweet girl home on Monday morning. We are so anxious to have her with us. I’m sure there will be times when a 24-7 babysitter seems like a welcomed idea, but we want her HOME! We will keep you updated!
I fall more and more in love each day with this face. It is all still somewhat surreal-I am a mom. Leaving her Saturday is probably the hardest thing I have ever done.
Beyond the disappointment of not getting to bring my baby home, I had to leave her. No one can love her like I do, and although I feel that we can take care of her best, apparently the NICU team is what she needs. I don’t like it, but it’s what is best for now. Coming 5 weeks earlier than she should have, has given her added challenges. Merely sucking and swallowing tires her out so easily. Sometimes they even have to tube feed her to give her the nutrients that she needs. Right now her body just needs time to grow and develop, and in order to do that she needs lots of rest and little stimulation. It has been so hard to see all the tubes come out of her little body. Today was the first day that we were able to take a picture of her without any tubes or wires! I am so thankful that she has not had any major setbacks.
Since her move to the step down NICU, we have been given more ability to care for our little girl. Finally being able to hold and feed my baby girl is such a gift. I have waited so long for these moments, and it has been so hard to have them on a limited and supervised basis. The doctor told us this morning that if she continues to progress then she will probably be coming home within a few days. We make frequent trips to the hospital (2-3 times a day), and we hope and pray that each day we get a little closer to hearing the words, “she can go home”. I’m sure someday this will all seem like a distant memory, but for now, it seems as if this will be the longest week ever. Thank you to all for your prayers, calls, visits, and meals! It is wonderful to not walk this journey alone.
July 17, 2007 my daughter, Savannah Grace came into this world. After some bleeding early in the morning, followed by some contractions, the doctor felt it best to go ahead and deliver our little girl. At 12:20 pm our miracle arrived. The c-section went extremely well, and she is doing great. Initially, they took her to the nursery, but soon after realized that she needed some oxygen supplement. Around 4pm they transferred her to the NICU, which is where she has been since.
Today has been a great day though, we got to feed her a bottle, give her her first bath, and HOLD her FINALLY! It’s emotionally difficult to have her here and not be with her like I would like. I keep reminding myself that she wasn’t going to be here until next Thursday anyway, so we are just getting to enjoy her a little early. Before we know it, she will be all ours and we will get to enjoy every minute with her.
Specific prayer requests:
that her blood count improves and that she doesn’t need a blood transfusion.
that her oxygen levels continue to improve and we can take her off oxygen flow tomorrow.
that she continues to eat well.
that her mommy gets to stay in the hospital until Saturday (not that I physically need to, but just so that I can be closer to her for at least another day).
that she will get to come home as soon as possible.
I know this is a brief update, but for now it will have to do. Kyle’s blog has more of the details and links to pics. Thanks to all for the love and support! I’ll try to keep everyone updated.
So we have made it to the pivotal 34 week mark! If Savannah is born now, her chances of needing the NICU are much less. She only has 2 more weeks in there, and then we will get to see her sweet face. There is still a chance that when she is born at 36 weeks, she won’t be quite ready to embrace all the challenges that the world presents. We are believing that she comes out screaming and ready to take on the world.
It’s hard to believe that our journey of infertility is truly coming to an end. For so long it has felt like a part of life, a focus of prayer, a burden to carry. I know that motherhood will carry its own weight, but I must say that this has been quite the journey. Everyone is given different trials and struggles, and although comparing them can be difficult, there is a central theme. They are all designed to give us the choice to press into the Lord. The past few years I have gone through valleys of sorrow and great peaks of faith-neither better than the other, just par for the journey. I’m in a bit of disbelief that the journey is ending, but then of course it would at some point. God wants to deliver us from our trial; it’s often not by our timing or plan-but His. Would I have loved to have a child before this? Sure, but then I might not be having this child. It’s much easier to say this now, but it is still true-I’m glad that we went through what we did to get to this point. For one, it has made my faith and understanding in God much stronger. It has deepened my relationship with my husband in a way that no one can really understand. It is giving me THIS child-which I wouldn’t trade for the world right now.
Whatever journey that the Lord is taking you on right now, be encouraged. It too has an end. Whether you are in a valley or a mountaintop, the Lord wants to teach you something. In the end, you won’t want to trade the lessons learned.
Last Sunday we were in the hospital, and the Sunday before that we had company in town. I won’t be able to go to church until September at the very soonest! This morning was one of those times that I was thankful for media. Our dearest friends lead worship at Winston Salem Assembly of God, and since we’ve moved we have missed their worship IMMENSELY. Today we got a taste of it-albeit through the internet-and it was great! We both enjoy the pastor’s speaking too, so it was a great answer to our “homebound” situation. If you ever find yourself at home on a Sunday and wanting to tune into a church service, be sure to check out http://www.firstassembly-ws.org/
We plan to stay up-to-date with our church’s podcasts, but it’s only the sermon and usually takes a little while to access, so tuning into our friends church was a great way to feel as if we were at church.
Our church family has been amazing through all of this. One of my good friends organized people to bring meals for the next few weeks. At first I had trouble saying yes to this, but then I realized that it would not only be a blessing to me, but to my husband as well-since he is the one in charge of all the household duties now. We feel like we are able to connect with people when they drop off the food, which helps us to feel not so isolated.
We went through a season while living in Orlando that we weren’t connected to a church, and it felt very isolated. We had a community of Christian friends that helped a bit, but there is nothing like being part of a church. I know some say that it isn’t necessary, but I believe it is. It may not be necessary to be a Christian, but I think its necessary to grow as a Christian. I am very thankful that we are blessed to come back to Nashville, and fit right into the church community that we left. It’s nice knowing that you aren’t alone in this journey of pursuing God in the midst of life. The truth is life can be very challenging at times, and we all need people to help us during those challenges. Being on bedrest and having to ask for almost everything has been a humbling experience. I welcome it though, because it is a lesson that I know God needed to deal with me about. I tend to be very independent, and I typically don’t ask for help from people (because I can usually figure it out or do it myself eventually.) God doesn’t want us to be independent though; He wants us to depend on Him. I’m sure there is a direct correlation with my ability to depend on people and my capability of depending on God. The truth is oftentimes God uses people to provide for our needs, so I’m not going to be too stubborn to accept it.
I remember New Year’s Eve 1999. Unfortunately I had to work the night shift at the hospital, but my sweet husband came to the hospital so that we could at least spend those few minutes between the chasm of one year to the next together. There was such speculation and concern as to what was going to happen because of the technical glitches, and then nothing happened. This taught me that often times conjured significance is only that-conjured up by man.
Today has its own significance. The world has decided to make it a day to recognize our planet and the harm we are doing to it. The church has decided to make it a day of repentance and prayer. Then some say its just a lucky day. Regardless of the conjured significance of 777, today is a day that Christians of all types are coming together and crying out to the Lord. Ironically, this gathering is happening in my hometown of Nashville, and I’m on bedrest. Obviously, God had a different plan for my day. My husband is with me, and we are just relaxing. We’ve been able to watch some of the Call’s webcast on-line, but apparently a lot of people are watching it too. My prayer today is that the church’s prayer of repentance is heard. I know that the Lord hears it, but I hope that the people of this nation hear it as well and for once see the true heart of what it means to be a Christian.
Well today I had a doctor’s appointment, and you would have thought somebody was taking me to Disney! It was so nice to just get out and walk around a bit, and actually interact with the world. For the past week, the world has had to come to me. And let’s be honest, you just can’t bottle up fresh air on a sunny summer’s day! Afterwards I talked my mom into taking me to Starbucks-which was another treat that I haven’t indulged in for a while! Then we had to have the house we are staying in photographed, so we packed up the dogs and went to my parents house for the afternoon. How sweet it is to get to sit on my mom’s back porch and just enjoy the day. If you know my mom at all, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. If you don’t know her, then I hope someday you get to enjoy the porch at the end of the cul-de-sac where my mom creates an oasis. Needless to say, it’s been a great day. A change of scenery was the perfect boost.
So 3 weeks from today is the BIG day! July 26th is Savannah’s scheduled birthday. We will see if she is a girl who likes a plan, or likes to make her own :) The reality is setting in, we are going to have a baby! After wanting one for over 5 years and losing 2 babies, it is a reality that is hard to grasp. I’m sure for every new mom it is a strange reality that words can’t quite describe. But for me, it seems that much more surreal. I am truly in awe that God would give to me my greatest desire, that He would entrust to me the most beautiful gift of life! Will I be found trustworthy? Can I even begin to appreciate this gift enough? I am humbled by God’s creation and willingness to share it with me. I have to admit that one of the lies of infertility that I bought into was that I wasn’t good enough to be a mom. I know that it was a lie, but there was still this feeling that there must be something wrong with me. We never had any concrete answers as to why we couldn’t get pregnant or for that fact, stay pregnant. It was my effort to understand or make sense of it all. But sometimes it just doesn’t make sense!
And now here I sit, feeling somewhat unworthy and somewhat ill-prepared about to receive the most precious gift, a child, Savannah Grace. And it is only by God’s grace. His unmerited favor. Through it all His grace has been sufficient, and through it all…it will be.
Well today is probably going to look like the past few days for me. Except that my husband doesn’t feel the need to work as much, so it’s nice to get to spend the day with him. My parents are going to come over to grill out later today. Minus the fireworks, we will try to make today feel like a holiday.
One of the thoughts that came to me while I was in the hospital, was just how blessed I was to be in America. Given the same scenario in a third world country, there would have been a high chance that either Savannah or I wouldn’t have made it. It makes you realize just how blessed we are. I was very thankful for modern medicine and for the care we received at Baptist. We had the best nurses! It makes a difference when people love what they do.
I hope that everyone has a great holiday, and I am praying for a special blessing today for my friends who have husbands serving our country right now. The daily sacrifice is more than I can imagine, and I can only pray that God’s strength, grace, and protection are real in your lives!
Hi! My name is Kristy and this is my outlet to share thoughts on motherhood, infertility and life as I know it. To give you some insight into me, I've been married for over eight years to 
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